


Soothe My Pain

by louvreangel



Category: The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Affection, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Eventual Romance, F/M, Killing, Trust Issues, Weakness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 17:52:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10859067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louvreangel/pseuds/louvreangel
Summary: She was sick and tired of this stupid trust issue that they had since day one. Just as Future Flash opened his mouth for a comeback, she shut him up by saying, “I’m leaving.” Even though she had a feeling in her that Savitar would not let her leave and kill her instead, she was still going to take her chance on it.





	Soothe My Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but this fanfiction. All characters belong to their respectful owners.
> 
> Song lyrics at the end and the beginning belong to:  
> Massive Attack - Angel  
> Blue Foundation - Eyes on Fire

Her eyes  
_She's on the_ **dark** side  
Neutralize  
Every **man** in sight

**xx**

* * *

 

The most difficult one was the first one. The first ever was what made her go through billions of emotions. She was even at one point about to give it up. She didn’t want to do it, this wasn’t her. Her inner Caitlin Snow was talking way too much and she wasn’t happy with it. That day, she had promised she would kill a random person on the street. Because, according to Savitar, she wasn’t capable of killing Tracy yet. She had never killed anyone before, she wasn’t as cold hearted as she thought she was. She needed _practice_.

So Killer Frost decided to go for it. The first person to make her feel angry was going to be awarded by an icicle piercing through heart. _I need to be ruthless_ , she thought to herself. She had to earn his trust, it was more important than anything else.

Unfortunately, a guy who was probably rushing to work, spilled his coffee on her by accident and she knew this was it. This was her chance, her _excuse_. So she followed him until he was in front of his office building and sent an icicle his way. Just like she had planned beforehand, the icicle found it’s target easily and pierced through his heart in a painful way. A loud scream escaped the guy’s lips and he collapsed, falling to the ground almost in slow motion in Killer Frost’s eyes.

She fled the area immediately but her heart was beating crazily. Her symptoms were showing that she was about to have a panic attack so she went into an alley and leaned on a wall. Her legs were wobbling, her breathing fastening. She felt like her throat was being squeezed from the inside, breathing was becoming more and more difficult. She could hear her heartbeats loud and clear in her ears.

_I’m fine, it’s fine, everything will be okay_ , she tried to comfort herself. It didn’t work and she collapsed to the cold, hard ground, her eyes wide open. She laid there for a while, watching as people on the main street kept walking, cars driving past, feeling the breeze of the spring air... _I’m fine, I’m fine_ , she kept mumbling to herself, she needed to calm down and not focus on her heartbeats. She had to get rid of the _I am dying! I’m having a heart attack!_ panic in herself and she could do it. She was a strong woman.

After a while, it became quiet in her ears as her heart stopped beating so crazily. She stayed where she was until she felt better and eventually got up to her feet, feeling like she had been run over by a truck.

Somehow, she managed to make her way to her hideout, which was a simple abondoned house in a vacated area in the city. She knew Savitar would drop by later and she was going to prove her royalty to him by telling him she had managed to kill someone in cold blood.

She could be worthy of his trust finally.

* * *

When Savitar indeed dropped by her hideout, he wasn’t in his suit. He was his normal self which was a change for the most part. She was lying on a random couch when she saw him enter the room.

She got up from the couch and approached him as he kept walking towards her. “I did it. I killed someone today,” she said a little too enthusiastically. Her excitement could be seen on her face pretty clearly.

His one brow arched in suspicion and mockery but made no comment on the subject. So she kept talking. “I am ready to kill Tracy Brandt.”

He snorted at that. “And if you see Cisco there?” he asked with all seriousness.

That was one tricky question right there she noticed. She had to give the right answer and she knew the right answer, but it was a little difficult to say it out loud. Why though? Cisco wasn’t her friend anymore, why was she still having difficulties fighting him? “I can kill him too,” she said but her posture wasn’t as straight as it had been a few seconds ago. Uncertainity was visible on her face.

Suddenly the inches seperating them were filled by him and she found herself looking up at him. He grabbed her by the shoulders, “Don’t lie to me!” he shouted at her angrily.

She, with her insticts taking over her, put her hands on both his arms and started channeling all the coldness inside her through her hands to his arms. In milliseconds, his arms started covering with ice but he was way faster than her. He instantly got away from her hold and backed away from her a little. “Why don’t you use that anger towards your _friends_?” he hissed at her, he felt like his blood was boiling inside him. He was on the edge of harming her and if she kept pushing his buttons, he didn’t know if he could stop himself no matter how much he cared for her.

“They are not my friends!” she shouted back at him. “If you doubt me so much, why do you still keep me around?” she asked him angrily. That was when suddenly she felt like this was the last straw for her. This whole week, ever since they teamed up together, he kept doubting her words, her actions. He always implied she still cared about her ex-teammates. She couldn’t convince him still up to this date that she had nothing to do with them anymore. They weren’t her friends anymore, it was her past. Caitlin Snow had been a part of that team for three years, Killer Frost wasn’t and was never going to be.

She was sick and tired of this stupid trust issue that they had since day one. She was going to have none of it anymore. Just as Future Flash opened his mouth for a comeback, she shut him by saying, “You know what? Kill the girl yourself, you don’t even need me for it. I’m leaving.”

Killer Frost, with her head high, turned around and walked towards the door of the house to leave for good. Even though she had a feeling in herself that Savitar would not let her leave and kill her instead, she was still going to take her chance on it.

She wasn’t even halfway to the door when he grabbed her arm and circled her around to make her face him. However, the force of his pull was a little too harsh so she bumped into his chest with a loud thud. It just made her angrier and she created an icicle, aiming it to his heart.

“You can’t turn your back on me,” Future Flash hissed at her, their faces inches away. Both their eyes were locked with each other’s and they both held the same look in their eyes.

Killer Frost didn’t lower her icicle as she kept thinking if she could really do it. Yes, she wasn’t fast enough but even _attempting_ to kill him would change the entire game here. He helped her and chose to team up with _her_ , that had to have a reason. Betraying him like this wouldn’t be right but the temptation, oh the temptation... For everything he had said to her up until then, he deserved to die by her hands. But deep down inside she knew perfectly well she couldn’t harm him, _wouldn’t_ harm him.

As they kept uttering no word and just looking at each other, the atmosphere around them slowly changed to better. The adrenaline, the anger was finally going away and their expressions were softening a little bit. It wasn’t much to go with but it was still something. It meant that if they were calm enough, they could talk this out.

Killer Frost, after a little more while passed, dropped her icicle to the ground and watched it shattering. She was defenseless now, but if Future Flash really wanted to kill her, he could do it without her even noticing. He was the fastest man alive, he had the upper hand here. She just hoped he wouldn’t kill her.

But when he made no attempt to let her arm go, she narrowed her eyes skeptically. Then she tried to shake off his hand on her arm and failed miserably. His hold wasn’t hurting her but it was firm.

“Don’t leave me,” he finally said in a whisper. That made her eyes make contact with his again, instead of staring at his hand on her arm. She expected him to say more, but he said nothing else. Those three words sounded like pleading and it really made her feel good, she felt she was precious again, like she mattered. He was showing his vulnerability to her at that moment and it meant so much to her.

So she, with a little hesitation, touched the scarred side of his face using her free arm and hand. “Have a little faith in me, then. _Trust_ me,” she whispered. “I won’t betray you.”

He kept looking into her eyes and made no sound. It would take a lot in him to trust this version of Killer Frost because nothing was the same. In his timeline, everything was different. They loved each other there, they were there for each other at all costs. He would never doubt her, he would never betray her. However, this version of Killer Frost still had a little piece of Caitlin Snow in her. That was making her a little more soft hearted than the real Killer Frost he had known and loved for years. _Never leave me, don't ever leave me_ , his Killer Frost would say to him whenever she would feel like he was giving up on everything, _leave everyone and everything behind but me_. And yet he was defeated by Barry Allen and had to leave her behind to Julian and his stupid cage to hold her. He was going to get his revenge from each and every one of them for everything they had done.

Yet, here he was now, and he was _trying_. He was really trying to trust this Killer Frost and leave things be. Her actions were making it difficult though. “I’m trying,” he eventually said with a calm and collected voice.

That made Killer Frost crack a little smile. “That’s a start,” she said softly. He finally let go of her arm and she dropped her hand to her side. He still had a cold expression on his face and it made Killer Frost feel like she had done something wrong by caressing his face.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, walking past her.

“Wait,” Killer Frost called after him, despite every fiber of her being telling her to keep her dignity to herself. He stopped and turned around to look at her. “Stay,” was all she said. She didn’t want to complicate things, she honestly didn’t but she had been alone for far too long. She needed a little warmth, a little spark to feel like she was still alive. She was still feeling like she had died on that hospital bed in Star Labs.

His brows knitted and he looked a little confused for a few seconds. Could it be that also  _she_  had feelings for him? He didn’t really think so. She was just so alone. But thinking of being in the arms of the woman he loved for years—well, a shadow of her—was making him feel good again. She wasn’t _his_ Killer Frost but she looked exactly the same, sounded exactly the same. Maybe she could love him exactly the same too. He just hoped that everything would still go the way he had planned beforehand.

They both uttered no word as they both laid on the old bed upstairs, both of them not making a move. It was a while after when Killer Frost wrapped her arms around his body and he turned to her, they both faced each other on their sides. Something clicked in him and he suddenly felt a spark while looking into the ice-blue coloured eyes of hers. He noticed how much he had missed _her_.

He couldn’t stop now, not when all he actually needed was her and her only.

He thought of nothing as he dipped his head and kissed her like they both got nothing to lose.

She thought of nothing as he answered him with hunger, the ice in her heart melting every passing second. How in sync they were was beyond her understanding. How good he knew her curves, her soft spots, her moves... It was all new to her, it was so refreshing to be in the arms of a man who understood her better than anyone else. Though, something inside her was telling her that they’ve been through this before, somehow she felt like they had done this many times before. He made her feel that way. It was a good feeling.

When it was finally time to sleep, their bodies were entwined in a cuddle. She planted a ghost kiss to his chest and looked up at him with shining eyes. He looked at her with such affection that he would only show one person in all the universes.

“Don’t leave me,” she whispered to him and planted another kiss to his chest.

When he heard that, his whole body and mind froze. Those words were so familiar, so meaningful. Those words always made him feel at home and he was hearing them again, after such a long time. It was only a few minutes passed and he found himself capable of moving again. He caressed her naked torso gently and kissed her neck, sucking on it a little bit. She sighed with pleasure and moved her head to give him better access.

Him not leaving and staying with her, was her answer. He didn’t say them out loud, yes, but she was smart enough to understand it through his body language. He wasn’t going to let her go, he cared too much about her to do that. And without knowingly, she cared so much about him too.

_And together, they made one hell of a team._

**xx**

* * *

 

_And I'm not_ **scared**  
_Of your stolen power  
_ _I see right through you any hour_

 


End file.
